I learned early on that friendships take time and effort. And even if I did put in the time and effort, more times than not, I was disappointed by the results. People tell me I’m too critical or too sensitive, but if there’s more negative than positive in a relationship, why bother?
I don’t need the whole world to like me. If you like me and we have things in common, fine, but if you don’t think I’m great, the sun will rise tomorrow and life will certainly go on. I’m very independent. I can do most things by myself and if I want to go do something and no one wants to go with me, I will go do it alone.
After having spent time and effort on some major friendships in the past, just to see them disintegrate after a couple of years, I’m just tired. Perhaps I could have done something to make things better, I don’t know, but those experiences were so bad, I really don’t want to try anymore. I try my best to maintain the friendships that I have, but I’m not going to go the extra mile if I see no effort coming from the other person. I have a limited amount of time and I prefer to spend that time on fruitful things, not on things or people that suck the life out of me without anything in return.
Maybe the meaning of “friend” has been watered down so much, people think that you can maintain a friendship through one holiday card a year. And there are those who feel out the boundaries to see how little they can get away with in a friendship. They do the bare minimum because they are too lazy or don’t want to make the effort. Kind of like the Al Bundy of friendships.
So if you never bothered to call to see how I was doing after my second child was born or check to see if our family was washed away by Hurricane Sandy, then we aren’t friends. Being a friend is actually caring and reaching out to see if you’re needed, not just wondering if that person is mad at you because you didn’t make the effort. But I’m grateful for the true friends that I do have. I think you know who you are because you’ve been there for me not just during the times you’ve needed or wanted something from me.
Everyone I’m sure has different views on friendships, but what would make you rethink a friendship?
”I try my best to maintain the friendships that I have, but I’m not going to go the extra mile if I see no effort coming from the other person. I have a limited amount of time and I prefer to spend that time on fruitful things, not on things or people that suck the life out of me without anything in return.”
I feel this way much more about marriages and relationships. I too will no longer invest in such arrangements any longer. I will no longer give you all that I am and all that I have to end up being the least important person in your life.
I love my Daughters, my Mom and my Brother. There are but a handful of friends whom I do love, but my romantic heart no longer exists.It is off. My life has no room for that dissapointment any longer.
I’m thinking more and more that there are less and less people that I can rely upon. Thoughts like this use to make me very sad, but now I’m accepting it and I actually find it liberating. Sounds like you have accepted it too. Somehow I think that social media have watered down the meaning of “friends.” A brief encounter on FB or
Twitter could never take the place of a phone call or a face-to-face meeting.
It doesn’t make me sad. either. It gives me clarity of thought and purpose to my life. You know I have reduced my FB ”friends” down to 29. The majority are friends. It may be reduced further.
It is reducing the clutter in one’s life. And reducing stress.
I recently cut off two long term friendships — one of 15 years and another of 5 years. Maybe it isn’t the final end however, one needs to take a step back when not happy with the relationship. I used to want people to like me and was willing to jump through hoops not to loose a friend, however, I am realizing now that it is okay to let go…as you are too! Thanks for sharing. See you tomorrow!
Sometimes people have unreasonable expectations from friendships. Other times, they don’t understand why the friendship failed, unwilling or incapable of understanding their own mistakes. All I know is that if I can live with myself with the actions I’ve taken, I don’t need anyone else’s permission to live the life I want to.